Tonight is one of those nights that many who are new to non-monogamy dread: my partner is out playing with someone else. And by playing, I mean having lots, and I mean lots of sex.
How am I feeling about this? Fantastic. No, seriously–I absolutely love it.
We have been non-monogamous, and more specifically polyamorous, for more than a year now. Early on, we went through all of the typical stages of opening up that included many serious conversations, very real concerns of jealousy, and ultimately a shake-down and testing out of just how strong our relationship was. Thankfully, that stage is now past; not only did we discover our relationship was on solid ground, but in process of opening up we reinforced it exponentially through increased honesty, connection, and love.
As counterintuitive as it seems, sharing ourselves with others–mind, body and heart–has taken an already solid, well-functioning relationship to new heights. And so, on nights like tonight, when I can only imagine the passion and pleasure taking place a few short miles away, I feel a special sense of joy, combined with a little giddiness, against a backdrop of arousal. Now is a moment when polyamory is as real as it gets; emotions, feelings and not to mention screaming-from-the-rooftop sex is happening, now, as I sit here in a quiet house, typing away. And there is no joy quite like it.
Of course, I understand why others don’t have the same reaction to their significant others going wild into the wee hours with someone else. Without enough trust, security, honesty and faith, negative feelings can easily crop up, rational or not. And in a polyamorous arrangement, negative feelings can quickly spiral out of control, given the complexity of the relationship dynamic. My sincere hope is that more people out there can experience the elation of polyamory, in all of its aspects, both long-term and in those special moments like this one.